Thursday, April 19, 2012

Waves of mercy....

Artwork by my wonderful friend
Jodi Shen Lewis
I am so blessed to have a friend who paints my heart before I even know it.  I believe God is working in her life to come along side me and capture my story.  The interesting thing is she is in Vail and I am in Colorado Springs and we haven't spoken since the day after the funeral.  Again, God is good.

Waves of God's mercy....what does that mean?   I am no theologian and don't pretend to have the gift of knowledge when it comes to interpreting the scriptures.  But what I do have is life experience allowing God's word to fill my life and direct it. 

When I think of mercy I understand it to be the act of being given or giving something that is undeserved.  How do I attach that to my grief? What part of this is undeserved?   I'm trying to wrap my head around this.  Bare with me as I process this. 

Unfortunately we live in a fallen world and sin and suffering are part of that fall.  God did not plan it that way, but from day one He has given man a choice and man chose to fall into "self".  Genesis 3:1-6. He has not forced anything on us.  We chose. We continue to choose.

I look at the woman in the picture Jodi created and this woman is kneeling, bowing before the Lord and is receiving His mercy in waves.  That is me.  I am choosing to bow at His feet through this.  I am no more deserving of His grace and mercy than anyone else...but I am choosing to reach for it moment by moment instead of the alternative.  We all know what the alternative looks like.  We have seen others choose it, chosen it ourselves and seen the writhing  pain and black hole it produces. I want what Isaiah spoke of in Chapter 3, " a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair".  This is what I want for me and my family and all those who are grieving.

Not only do I choose to fall at His feet, but I purpose to move forward for my other children.  They are still very much alive and have so much ahead of them.  Going to Luke's game last Sunday was the first in those steps.  Here is a picture of Luke making the final 3 pointer of the game.  It felt so good to cheer.

  This morning Amanda and I chose to speak at the Light Of Hope CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) fundraiser.  We had been scheduled to do this a while ago.  We decided God would give us what we needed to pull off the event.  He did, and we were blessed.  We both spoke and Amanda sang "Beautiful", by Mercy Me.  Was it easy?  Nope! A few tears were shed. But we did it because we are purposing to move forward with our grief and allow God to wash over us with His grace and mercy as we move.


  1. Our Father God IS the GIver of gifts including Mercy, Grace and Truth. Only He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. You have so many of us praying for you all that you are surely going to "feel" those gifts of His like Mercy even in the midst of your grief, which IS a journey/process. Keep living life with and for Him and your precious family (immediate, extended and church). Keep shining His light in this very dark world! I pray you all do this in His strength and not try to do so on your own!
    Prayers and blessings, Lisa

  2. Gail..I have been with you in spirit on this journey you are taking. Your writing is just incredible. You are showing so many other people that is possible to get thru probably the worst pain a parent can ever experience....losing a child. You and Tom are such inspiring parents, just as your Mom and Dad always were with all you Maher girls, Thoughts and prayers are with you
    Your Lake Delton neighbor, Judy

  3. I continue to be blown away by our God! Why is it, we sometimes choose the alternative when there is so much beauty in the surrender?
    We love you all,
    and our prayers are with you,

  4. I pray you'll continue to right about your story. It encourages me so much in the Lord.