I am no longer searching, but watching.......

First off, THANK YOU for your continued covering of prayer.  I am feeling it so strongly this morning and had a much better night's sleep.  I will need it as many family members will be arriving today.  Family is so hard, as they have a lifetime of memories with our Ryan and their pain will be great.  Please continue to pray.


I have skimmed through numerous FB posts saying that I am searching for meaning to my son's death.

I am no longer searching or begging God for answers, but rather watching the answers fall at my feet. 

John 14:13-14 Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.  

This grieving mother has asked to see the purpose of her son's death, and God is granting her desire.  Not because I deserve it...but because I am wanting Ryan's death to glorify God's name.  Because if it didn't glorify His name, what an utter waste.

I have not by any means read all the FB posts but I try to skim through most throughout the day.  It is like my lifeline to the hope that lies within me.  If I see God moving and I see lives changed, I can deal with the pain.  This picture above is Ryan sharing at a youth retreat.  I've posted a lot of crazy pictures of Ryan (there is not a shortage), but I also want you to know and remember this serious side of him where he desired to help others grow. So many FB posts and conversations have begun with, "Ryan really encouraged me....."  Ah, what a blessing for a mom to hear. 

I imagine him standing there preaching from Matthew 6 27-33 ^27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
^30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

His life reflected this message.  We MUST now ask ourselves, "What message does my life reflect?"  Please make this question personal.

For those that want to do something in lieu of flowers we have created a memorial site through HopeChest.  The emancipation home is a huge passion of mine as I desire for all young men and women to have the ability to make their way in the world with the support needed.  Ryan had tons of support and love and did all he could do during his time on this earth.  What better way to remember him than to support a program that does this for those coming out of the foster system or walk their road all alone.

http://go.hopechest.org/ryan