Saturday, April 28, 2012

I am a warrior...............

Duet;20,3. And He shall say to them, "Hear Oh Israel. "Today you are on the verge of battle with your enemies. Do not let your heart faint. Do not be afraid; and do not tremble or be terrified because of them; for the LORD your God is He who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you!

The last couple of days have been hard.  In fact, I woke up this morning with the sense that I had just been in a battle and that I was still in battle. I think it all came together in my head as I watched my husband get up early on this Saturday morning to meet with his "Battle Buddy" (that is what they are calling it); someone to walk through life with, praying supporting and encouraging.  Another piece of understanding came when a sweet friend posted the above scripture on my blog yesterday. It didn't dawn on me until I woke this morning that "a battle" is exactly what I am fighting; a battle against the fallout of pain; depression, anger, confusion, irritation, sadness, loss and victimization.  All of these descriptors are part of what pain can produce.  It is natural for them to come and they are the crux of what pain is.  I'm sure some of you who have experienced pain could add a few more descriptors. As I said yesterday, they can come out of nowhere.  They are not manufactured.  So what do I do with the fallout of pain?

When we think of physical pain we have all heard, "No pain, no gain!"  Ryan  lived that way physically.  He loved to push himself to his physical limit.  I've learned more about him in his death through friends and reading through his journals and bible and even documents he was writing on his computer.  What I've seen is a young man that accepted physical, emotional and spiritual pain as a way to grow and push himself as well.  He was always moving forward to grow and learn and BE more for Jesus.  If pain was a part of that, so be it.  So now, as his mom, I find myself walking in the worst pain I've ever experienced.  What will I do with that pain?  

Will I allow my pain to be a tool of depression, anger, confusion, irritation, sadness, loss and victimization? Or, will I allow it to be a tool of growth and strength?  How about, BOTH!?  When depression, anger, confusion, and all those supposed negative descriptors sit at my door trying to break in my life why not use them to create strength.  If I didn't have to battle them, if I didn't have to take on the weight of the pain, I wouldn't have opportunities to become stronger. 

So today as I walk out my bedroom door recognizing the battle I am in and purposing (It is so important to purpose and not walk blindly) to see my pain for what it is; an opportunity for strength.  Today I take up my:

  • Helmet of Salvation
  • Shield of Faith
  • Belt of Truth
  • Feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace (peace),
  • Sword of the spirit/word of God
  • Breastplate of righteousness

Each one of these pieces of armor will help me walk in strength.  I envision myself with the words Salvation, Faith, Truth, Peace, Word of God, Righteousness tattooed all over my body instead of Death, Doubt, Lies, Turmoil, The World and living for my "self".  I acknowledge that without the tools that make up God's strength, I am lost and weak.  I know what I am going to purpose to do with the pain.  I will use it to create strength, not weakness. I am a warrior, equipped for battle.


Ephesians 6:11-18

11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.


  1. Awesome Gail! No weaponed fashioned against you will stand, the battle belongs to the Lord!

  2. Dear Gail,

    I find myself coming back to your blog over and over and over again. When I have been away for a few days and find myself being pulled back to see what you have added, I ask myself why. Then I read your words and realize I come back because they are my words as well and it helps to see how you are walking the journey and it re-enforces my walk. My husband died 8 years ago and over the next 2 years, other family members died. I understand the feelings of the roller coaster, being sucker punched, unexpected tears, falling and being caught by our faithful God. Thank you for sharing your feelings openingly and honestly and reminding me that I definitely am not alone in the feelings I have felt over the last 8 years. The feelings become softer and the roller coaster and sucker punches and tears less frequent; however, I still find myself stopping and having to take a deep breath and allowing myself to feel an unexpected memory or missed moment. I wish to share with you a verse that continues to sustain me:

    Lamentations 3:22-24 – Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself; “The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for him.”

    Yes, our Lord will NOT let us be consumed. Blessings to you and your family and I hope we make contact somewhere, sometime at WVC.

    1. Looking forward to meeting a fellow warrior waiting on God's strength daily Sally. Please introduce yourself if you ever see me at church.