Flying above the clouds I realized I was physically as close to Ryan as I will ever be again. Tears streaming down my cheeks, holding his Bible in my lap I couldn't help but feel the grip of sadness and yet an overwhelming sense of peace. My baby is high in the sky, walking with Jesus. The markings in his Bible tell me he is right where he wants to be.
As we were waiting for take –off I opened Ryan’s well warn Bible (which has become mine) and read something he wrote in the back, “I will never walk away, I will never fear. For His love has saved my life; that much is clear.” I’m guessing it is from a song, but wherever he got it from, it spoke to his heart and he captured it in his most precious Bible. Captured so his mom could read it one day when he was gone and know the peace it brought him and the peace it brings her too. Thank you for that gift my precious Savior.
More gifts to come…. Tom and I have begun a five day “respite”. We are staying in a white cottage by the Florida ocean shore. We can only imagine what lies ahead; restoration, reconnection and perhaps a little more realization of where we just came from and where we might be headed. We are stocked with books and computers and cameras and garments of relaxation. No stress ahead.
In preperation for our trip I went to the bookstore to pick up a book to read while sitting on the beach. I went to the Christian Living section and looked and looked for something that would draw me in. I picked up book after book written by men and women who have had important things to say about walking the Faith Road. Nothing drew me in. I realized that right now, at this time, God’s Word is the only book that is really speaking to me; God’s Word and Ryan’s notes in his Bible. I am not drawn to any other man’s thoughts. I believe God’s Word has all that I need. This is new for me. I’ve never been this drawn to His Word. I've believed it, claimed it and done my daily devotions like a good Christian.…but I have had very few times when His Word really beckoned me to dig deeper. I am now being beckoned. I am living out the power of His promises to me. His words are truly becoming my daily bread and my living water. Why did it take "sorrow" to bring me to this rich place of learning? I've missed out on so much. I cannot change the past, but God can redeem the future. I am fully embracing the gifts He has in store for me by devouring His promises and wearing them like clothing and taking them in as nourishment for my soul.
Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Joshua 1:8
I toyed with not inserting the sentence about being “prosperous and successful”. I’ve always revolted at the idea of making these my goal; to be prosperous and successful. I don’t give a flying fig if I am prosperous and successful in the world’s eyes. But God says that IF I keep his Word THEN I will become prosperous and successful so it must be God’s desire for us to be prosperous and successful…..but in what? I’m thinking this is exactly what the Lord is teaching me and what He will continue to reveal as I walk down this journey of faith. As I walk down this road I see Him offering me gifts of understanding. It will be my choice to open His gifts.