All things beautiful in His time.............

I'm learning that just because I have purposed to handle grief in the strength of the Lord, doesn't mean I'm going to get through it any faster.  I'm a purpose driven person and thrive on getting things DONE!   I size up a situation and figure out the quickest and best way to get to the end and then do it.  The very annoying thing about grief is....I don't think you are ever at a point of being "done".  I know I'll never be done missing my son.  But honestly, what I want to be done with is the crying.  For a non-cryer, seven weeks of uncontrollable moments of tearing up seem like a life time. It's exhausting, it's annoying and I just want to be done. So how does someone like me get through this?  The only answer I have is to dig even deeper and cling even tighter to the only one who can walk me through this very long journey.


Tonight I had to dig a little deeper when I had to clean up Ryan's bedroom and make it ready for my sweet niece Libby and her friend to come live with us this summer.  Yes, it was hard to do this job but we are so excited about their visit.  Their presence will fill some of the void this summer from the absence of Ryan. Nothing will replace him, but I can see how God is taking measures to "...make all things beautiful, in His time....Ecclesiastes 3:11.


There was something about summer that put Ryan in full gear and he was always leading one adventure after another.  Last summer he and his friends painted the words to "Oh How He Loves" all over his bedroom walls.


For those that knew Ryan you might have spent some time down in his room.  On his walls he had painted and written songs, quotes and thoughts.  I laid on the bed tonight reading those words.  I was simply amazed how they represented who he was and how he lived.  Let me share some of those:


"If your action inspires others 2 dream more, learn more, do more and be more....then you are a leader"


"There is more than life after death, there is life before death"



"I am a Jesus Freak!"


"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leads the whole world blind and in need of dentures!"


"Oh how He loves me."


"Love like a hurricane."


"In the times of trial remember, you are not alone...."


"Home is where the heart is.......I guess I haven't found my heart" (This written when he got back from New Zealand)


Oxymorons:


good morning
school food 
plastic silverware
bad luck
old news
bankrupt millionaires
military intelligence
peacekeeping missiles
just wars
smart books
friendly fire


"God is in the whispers."


"B ur self"


And much more.........


Five years ago when Ryan first wrote on his wall I think he expected we would tell him to stop and we would paint over it.  We saw that perhaps his wall would reflect his heart and this would be a good window into what was going on in his life.  It was exactly that.  During high school his walls were filled with bits of Jesus and words of frustration. When he got home from New Zealand his walls were filled with songs of worship. Tonight I told my husband I will hate the day when we have to paint over these walls. 


Each one of our kids has had the freedom to paint or write on their walls.  Amanda's room is full of color and words that speak her heart.  Luke's room has words and pictures he and his friends wrote.  I love it; a window into their hearts.


Maybe I should start writing on my walls........no, I think I'll stick to my blog.

One of Ryan's walls

Ryan & Nick Mothers Day Duet

Click on link above to see the other treat I found tonight