Is it really repulsive?

This week I was looking through some pictures and found this picture of Luke and Ryan.  Luke was about three and Ryan was celebrating his 8th birthday.  I look at Ryan's precious face and wonder that God knew even back then that Ryan would only be on this earth for 12 more years.  He knew the plans He had for him and how His life would impact others and the plans He had for our response.

I know that there are those that find this line of thinking repulsive on a couple different levels.  First off, why would a person want to reliquish that kind of control in their life.  Why would I want to say that someone else was in control of my life?  I am in control of my own destiny, right?  Well if that is true, then when Ryan died, I must have lost control.  And, if I truly had that kind of control then I could have done something to avoid his death. But I didn't have that kind of control.  The only control I have is over my response to life.

The second reason some might find my line of thinking repulsive is wondering why I would want to trust a God that had my son's death in mind from the beginning of time.  If I put all my hope in Ryan's life and Ryan's success then I would probably be pretty mad at God right now for His plan.  But, thank you Jesus, there is a bigger picture in life and my choices have brought me to a place of seeing that picture.  I read a passage of scripture this morning that hit me right in my soul.  I read it with tears running down my cheeks: 

1 Peter 1:6-8

⁶ So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. ⁷ These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

⁸ You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. ⁹ The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.

My faith has become truly genuine and deep, it is not mere words. It is more precious to me than gold, or silver or any earthly thing.  It has become the source of my eternal HOPE and this hope is not just for me!

¹⁷ Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. ¹⁸ For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, ¹⁹ but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.

I am so grateful that my ancestors (my family) did not hand down to me the empty way of life.  I am so grateful we did not hand that down to our own children.  Because of this I am able to live out my time on earth as a foreigner with reverent fear and confidence in my HOPE of salvation!

This is what I choose!  The alternative is what is repulsive to me.  The alternative is an eternal sadness that cannot be healed, an eternal thirst that cannot be quenched.

There is no other response for me, but choosing Jesus.