I never thought I would....................

My one and ONLY tattoo
"How He Loves", by David Crowder

Have you ever played the game, "I never thought I would......"?  I was in the car with my sister Katy and the kids (they are hardly kids any more) and Amanda suggested we play this game.  I could play this game forever as there are so many things in my life that I thought I never would do, experience, say or live through.  What immediately came to mind were things just in the last couple years; have a husband who had a stroke at 48, become foster parents, adopt a daughter at 17, have a son that died at 20 and the most recent, get a tattoo.  But as I look through my life of living for Christ there are so many more things I never thought I could or would do that I have done.  Through each one of those events, as painful as some were, I can still say, "Oh how He loves!"  This is one of the main reasons I chose to capture this phrase for part of my one and only tattoo. 

In one of my previous blogs I showed pictures of Ryan's room that had How He Loves, by David Crowder,  painted all around the walls.  This song was one of Ryan's favorites.  Anyone who knew him and worshipped with him knew that when it came to the chorus he would just belt it out.  He shared with one of his friends that he knew he didn't always sound that great when he belted, but that's when he knew he needed God the most!  Love that.

Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

 

 

For a few weeks I had been thinking I would have the heart tattooed with the RtW and the word "hurricane" coming down the side for "loves like a hurricane".  But after Libby taught on Thursday night, at "Closer", about the meaning behind this song I knew that the part that I wanted to take to the grave was, "Oh how He loves" me, how He loved Ryan and how Ryan and I love Him back.  It is that love that makes Ryan's home going, and all the other things I didn't see coming around the corner "afflictions that eclipsed His Glory!  This song is packed with incredible meaning:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way:

He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Not only is this song rich with meaning, but the story behind it is simply amazing and so appropriate for connecting with Ryan's home going. John Mark McMillan wrote the words to this song.  Stephen Coffey was John Mark's best friend and youth minister for MorningStar Ministries.  During a church prayer meeting, Coffey prayed out loud "I'd give my life today if it would shake the youth of this nation."  That very night he was in a multi-car accident and died.  The next day, McMillan wrote How He Loves as a tribute to Coffey and out of need "to have some sort of conversation with God" about his frustrations and emotions of his best friend's death. When Libby shared this there was a hush that came over the room and streams of tears.  Ryan was willing to do the same.

Some may not see the good in all that I am sharing and might not be able to work through the pain of it all;  BUT I SEE GOD'S HAND SO CLEARLY!  Because of God's love I see God looking for parents twenty years ago that could parent this child who He was going to form and have be named Ryan (which means Little King), who was going to leave this earth early and would need to be parents willing to CHOOSE to use that death for God's glory, and he chose Tom and I.  This child was going to be formed to live outside the box his entire life, he was going to draw others to him in his uniqueness, he was going to love and live big, he was going to live on the edge, he was going to latch onto a song that expressed how much God loved him and how much he loved God.  This song and Ryan's life and death would be used to shake and wake up the nation for a need for a Savior; just as John Mark McMillan prayed.

My sister Katy's choice for a tattoo. 
She too is choosing to allow Ryan's home going
to remind her to allow God to love her like a hurricane;
fully enveloping and at the center is peace.

In the center of a hurricane is peace.  Only as we choose God's love do we experience that peace amongst the hurricanes in life.  Ryan understood this and now I do too.